A New Kind of Joy

Originally Posted September 18th, 2007

I walked down the driveway, pushing back the stinging pain that kept trying to force a few tears out of my eyes.

I didn't want to cry. I knew I would never stop if I started. So breathe easy, I told myself now is not the time At the bottom of the drive I found no Sunday newspaper, and all I could do was wrap my blanket tighter and trudge back up the drive.

Back inside the comforts of my home, the urge to cry came again as I put water on to boil for tea. Even the warm, coziness of my own home couldn't drive out the loneliness and despair. I sighed and sat down at my computer to amuse myself until the rest of the family woke up.

By the time my father had through the Sunday newspaper on the table saying "You lookin for this?" I was feeling better.

But his next comment made me finish my breakfast in a rush and make my way upstairs to my bedroom.

"So you didn't get up and say good bye this morning?" he hummed.

At that you would have found me in my room.

There I sat picking through mounds of clothes trying to decide if I really wanted to go to church or did I just want to stay home and mope around because I had finally gotten the "dump"

Yes.

My sister was married, and so was my other one. My brother and his girl friend were gone off to Texas and my little brother was quite attached to his downstairs bedroom.

I had cracked, the full weight of my loneliness had left me joyless and depressed.

So after leaving my room the wreck it never is. With clothes strewn across my bed, and the drawers left open. Both beds unmade and my books across the floor and desk.

I was downstairs and ready to leave.

Once at church I fought off the urge to hide in the bathroom and cry myself away. But something stopped that before it could happen.

Here I was depressed, lonely, hurt, mad, upset, basically a basket case. Trying to fight my way through an emotional battle that I couldn't win.

So was worship faded, and I saw that my attempts at praising the Lord was futile. A man took a microphone and told me something from God.

It was about Joy.

That was when I found it.

I saw that I had ignored God's help to win my battles and all I needed was a little joy. A new kind of joy.

One that fills you up and never lets you get empty. I asked for that joy and I received it. Though it took a while longer for my hardened heart to catch up with my overly joyful mind.

But it was a start. I was filled with God's joy and it felt like heaven (pardon that... heehee, it all this joy ;-)

Its the new pill to take. The joy pill.

So ask and you shall receive as Daniel quotes from the bible every four seconds.

I got joy.

Its not happy smiles all the time. No its a willingness to be joyful and trust in God even when times are ridiculously low.

So I might not be smiling or laughing right now, but I do have the joy of the Lord.

Find it for yourself ;-)

-GAM

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