Originally Posted July 20th, 2007
I look up from my monkey to the sky all splattered with stars, it looks like it will turn out to be a better night then expected.
After a fine dash through open fields and a little tree bending on the side, oh with deer chasing and some re inaction of Mel Gibson's Apocalypto. I am feeling soft and cozy next to the fire and crowd of people. The family is close, and safe, the world is shut out and shut up from its crazy screaming, day and night. For a few hours its just us the moonlight and the fire and our warm company that keeps us up and running.
The taste of wine fresh on my tongue and the little bit of cheesecake still resting on my plate. As a young man is introduced on the blacker then black asphalt he stands on. A bag of pipes in one hand and strewn over his shoulder. He hoists them up and fills them with the air of his lungs.
Before you can breathe in the sweet scent of the fresh night a new song is starting. One filled with sorrowing notes, and crisp with feeling. The silence is strong, whipping out all around you. Being lost in this place of excitement and wonder, the faces around you no longer want to be spoken to, the faces around you drift through time and space.
But one face stands out before you, it stands out in the stars, the navy colored sky, the freshness of the air. The face of God. It swings from the music that is forced from the bagpipes with every movement of the fingers, with every breathe of air. The face of God leans down into mine. We are now face to face.
Though I can not see clearly what it looks like its a face all the same. For a moment I have disappeared into this wondrous face. The power of His presence over whelms me.
Then I grip the small stuffed child's monkey tighter in my hands. Suddenly guffaws of laughter and imitations of Irish Step dancing break out and the song takes a lighter tone. The face is now gone, the feelings have gone back to there previous state, but yet they feel the change that was in the cool night air. That presence of God.
He didn't say anything to me, He didn't even acknowledge me, but I was just another person feeling the closeness of God of being face to face with Him.
I feel moved, stronger, braver, closer to my Creator. The feelings that pulse through my heart are bursting with energy. Yet my head falls into my hands and my eyes droop with the heaviness of lack of sleep. But still there is an energy that drives me on to write something. To write the words the Lord gives me. The words that lift Him up the words that show who He is and explain a little more of Himself to the rest of the world.
Our God is a great God. I praise Him with my whole body, spirit and soul. Because His presence is stronger then the thousands of words He speaks to me.
Because meeting someone face to face is always better then a telephone call
-GAM
Thursday, January 13, 2011
This Voice Will Be Heard
Originally Posted July 18th, 2007
Its the feeling of a song, newly written, played in your head, its the feeling of a walk and a poem forever embedded in you memory. Its the feeling of new book that teaches you more then you new it could, its the feeling of a reacquainting with God. But a little more then that.
This week has been filled with more feeling then what is worth being wrote down. It was a journey to learn what I really wanted to learn. But in the end, it was a struggle worth getting through.
I spent an Monday evening tossing so many feelings around in my sorry little head, that by the time the night was through I had nothing else to do but make up my mind.
I embraced forgiveness, like the song.
It is the greatest gift I ever found.
I left behind things I thought would never be gone. Feelings that a child once had. Things only a child would deal with. I embraced also a slight maturity. In maybe more the way I set my ideas, the way I plan my life, the way I life my life.
In that I felt I no longer held on to the world, that I had taken my left foot out of the world and placed in once again firmly in Gods palm. I was once again in the security of His hands. And rather life Scarlett O'Hara I was no longer infatuated with the dances and the balls and the romance of the evening. I was pulled into the reality of the war, of the fight that went on inside me. What I have to do, what my job is. That I am to be in the world not of it.
I am to be a wallflower, to listen and not be heard as someone of the world. But my voice is to be heard like no other. I am to stand out in a way that makes people turn heads. But because I carry something with me, I have something that no one else has. Something that only Jesus can supply.
Then no longer do I feel like a lazy homeboy that does nothing with his faith. I don't want to be silent any longer. I want this voice to be heard. I want all to know. That there is hope in this despicable world.
That God is their hope.
That faith is stronger then fear.
That there is only one way.
That this voice can be heard.
-GAM
Its the feeling of a song, newly written, played in your head, its the feeling of a walk and a poem forever embedded in you memory. Its the feeling of new book that teaches you more then you new it could, its the feeling of a reacquainting with God. But a little more then that.
This week has been filled with more feeling then what is worth being wrote down. It was a journey to learn what I really wanted to learn. But in the end, it was a struggle worth getting through.
I spent an Monday evening tossing so many feelings around in my sorry little head, that by the time the night was through I had nothing else to do but make up my mind.
I embraced forgiveness, like the song.
It is the greatest gift I ever found.
I left behind things I thought would never be gone. Feelings that a child once had. Things only a child would deal with. I embraced also a slight maturity. In maybe more the way I set my ideas, the way I plan my life, the way I life my life.
In that I felt I no longer held on to the world, that I had taken my left foot out of the world and placed in once again firmly in Gods palm. I was once again in the security of His hands. And rather life Scarlett O'Hara I was no longer infatuated with the dances and the balls and the romance of the evening. I was pulled into the reality of the war, of the fight that went on inside me. What I have to do, what my job is. That I am to be in the world not of it.
I am to be a wallflower, to listen and not be heard as someone of the world. But my voice is to be heard like no other. I am to stand out in a way that makes people turn heads. But because I carry something with me, I have something that no one else has. Something that only Jesus can supply.
Then no longer do I feel like a lazy homeboy that does nothing with his faith. I don't want to be silent any longer. I want this voice to be heard. I want all to know. That there is hope in this despicable world.
That God is their hope.
That faith is stronger then fear.
That there is only one way.
That this voice can be heard.
-GAM
A Truly Much Darker Blue
Originally Posted July 6th, 2007
Everyone, I'm not saying the whole world, but most people believe that the ocean is blue. Yes blue. Blue like the sky, and stunning blue that welcomes people into it.
But the ocean isn't just blue.
A writer mite call it a sea green blue. To me that's just a mouthful of useless words. To me the ocean is a much deeper blue.
Its a blue that speaks so much feeling, power and emotion that is can no longer be called just the color blue. It deserves a bigger better name, but yet no one is brave enough to test the water and change it.
When you kayak over the sea, becoming almost one with it. The blue sky does not match the color of the ocean. The ocean could be murky on the bottom, but when you look at the top what you see is blue.
But remember it is a much darker, deeper blue. A true blue.
The kind of color blue I always imagined the blues and jazz would be if someone colored them in.
Out of all this, all this blue. I have come to a place of meeting.
It is the place were I reached my hand out of that kayak and into the blue jazzy water and felt something not many people feel in the color blue.
I felt a little closer to God.
I suppose I have not always seen God in a white, but yes a darker color were He simply shines right through. Yes He could be the ocean color blue.
His love is that color to.
His love is a deeper, darker, love. His is a true love.
All people love and want to be loved. But not all love is true, we lie about love every day. Don't we? Well I do!
Its like saying "I love pea's" when you really hate them. That is why no man can reproduce Gods love. Because His is true and as sinners there is no way to live a life of complete truth.
So shouldn't we try to love a little darker, a little deeper and little more truthfully then we already do. Because if God loves you like that then why shouldn't you?
When I felt God's closeness in the water, I knew that He was speaking to me. He gave me the strength to endure. He told me to write what I felt about His love. So I did. Some of it may confuse you, but don't hesitate to ask me any questions about it. And as I sit here I pray, because I am a person that strongly believes in prayer. I pray that maybe as you read this and reread it, you begin to under stand God a little bit more then you had before.
Not so I can run of and say I changed the world. No because God wants it.
I have lots of thoughts on love and I will begin to share them more as I journey through it myself. So stay strong and hold fast.
Because the storm is coming.
-GAM
Everyone, I'm not saying the whole world, but most people believe that the ocean is blue. Yes blue. Blue like the sky, and stunning blue that welcomes people into it.
But the ocean isn't just blue.
A writer mite call it a sea green blue. To me that's just a mouthful of useless words. To me the ocean is a much deeper blue.
Its a blue that speaks so much feeling, power and emotion that is can no longer be called just the color blue. It deserves a bigger better name, but yet no one is brave enough to test the water and change it.
When you kayak over the sea, becoming almost one with it. The blue sky does not match the color of the ocean. The ocean could be murky on the bottom, but when you look at the top what you see is blue.
But remember it is a much darker, deeper blue. A true blue.
The kind of color blue I always imagined the blues and jazz would be if someone colored them in.
Out of all this, all this blue. I have come to a place of meeting.
It is the place were I reached my hand out of that kayak and into the blue jazzy water and felt something not many people feel in the color blue.
I felt a little closer to God.
I suppose I have not always seen God in a white, but yes a darker color were He simply shines right through. Yes He could be the ocean color blue.
His love is that color to.
His love is a deeper, darker, love. His is a true love.
All people love and want to be loved. But not all love is true, we lie about love every day. Don't we? Well I do!
Its like saying "I love pea's" when you really hate them. That is why no man can reproduce Gods love. Because His is true and as sinners there is no way to live a life of complete truth.
So shouldn't we try to love a little darker, a little deeper and little more truthfully then we already do. Because if God loves you like that then why shouldn't you?
When I felt God's closeness in the water, I knew that He was speaking to me. He gave me the strength to endure. He told me to write what I felt about His love. So I did. Some of it may confuse you, but don't hesitate to ask me any questions about it. And as I sit here I pray, because I am a person that strongly believes in prayer. I pray that maybe as you read this and reread it, you begin to under stand God a little bit more then you had before.
Not so I can run of and say I changed the world. No because God wants it.
I have lots of thoughts on love and I will begin to share them more as I journey through it myself. So stay strong and hold fast.
Because the storm is coming.
-GAM
And He Show's Himself
Originally Posted June 26, 2007
I put off typing this blog until now. Because I was way to tired to do it last night. But I new that I was supposed to write it because it whats has been on my heart since the summer started.
Now this is nothing amazing but I am going to write it in my style. So here goes.
I took a good glance at the sky yesterday, noticing that it was nearing sunset and it would be a beautiful time to take pictures. So as all photographers do they grab their cameras and race off into the realm of photography.
I seemed to race away from everything I had been struggling with. Only to have it come flying back at me.
God was waiting for me at the top of the hill. He covered the sun with a cloud so I would not be distracted from His presence. I gave Him a welcoming smile, but He did not take me into His arms as He always does. Instead the wind beat at my already cold shoulders.
"This wasn't how it started... this wasn't how it was going to end," I told myself. God replied.
"Why do you let these things stand between us?" I took a close look at the ground that was between God and I.
I laugh at what I saw "There is nothing there!" He just told me to look again. So I did.
That was when I saw many little tiny things popping up, mostly things I thought harmless to my relationship with God. But it stood as an overwhelmingly large brick that stood between God and I.
"This is what stands between you and I," He said looking down at me. "Like the cloud that covers the sun, it blocks out some light but not all."
I looked up at the sky, never did I want to be lost from God forever. Once you experience how much He loves you there is no turning back.
"But Lord, I can never remove all these, some are human nature, just things you do in the world today."
Again He looked at me, eyes filled with pity. "No excuses my child, you must learn to not be of this world. To know that you have eternal help from on High."
At that I could stand it no longer, I hungered for His presence to see His hand in my life again. To see His light.
So I asked. And I was given.
As I ran into His open arms as free as a child He whispered to me something I should never forget.
"All you need is me."
The cloud parted from the sun and the sight that stood before me was like biting into a fresh juicy strawberry. I let it fill me to the brim as I took as many pictures as I could. When I turned back to where God was standing I saw that He had gone.
But no fear raked my body and mind. No I stood there with a goofy grin on my face, remembering the words that were spoken to me.
That was when He showed Himself to me.
-GAM
I put off typing this blog until now. Because I was way to tired to do it last night. But I new that I was supposed to write it because it whats has been on my heart since the summer started.
Now this is nothing amazing but I am going to write it in my style. So here goes.
I took a good glance at the sky yesterday, noticing that it was nearing sunset and it would be a beautiful time to take pictures. So as all photographers do they grab their cameras and race off into the realm of photography.
I seemed to race away from everything I had been struggling with. Only to have it come flying back at me.
God was waiting for me at the top of the hill. He covered the sun with a cloud so I would not be distracted from His presence. I gave Him a welcoming smile, but He did not take me into His arms as He always does. Instead the wind beat at my already cold shoulders.
"This wasn't how it started... this wasn't how it was going to end," I told myself. God replied.
"Why do you let these things stand between us?" I took a close look at the ground that was between God and I.
I laugh at what I saw "There is nothing there!" He just told me to look again. So I did.
That was when I saw many little tiny things popping up, mostly things I thought harmless to my relationship with God. But it stood as an overwhelmingly large brick that stood between God and I.
"This is what stands between you and I," He said looking down at me. "Like the cloud that covers the sun, it blocks out some light but not all."
I looked up at the sky, never did I want to be lost from God forever. Once you experience how much He loves you there is no turning back.
"But Lord, I can never remove all these, some are human nature, just things you do in the world today."
Again He looked at me, eyes filled with pity. "No excuses my child, you must learn to not be of this world. To know that you have eternal help from on High."
At that I could stand it no longer, I hungered for His presence to see His hand in my life again. To see His light.
So I asked. And I was given.
As I ran into His open arms as free as a child He whispered to me something I should never forget.
"All you need is me."
The cloud parted from the sun and the sight that stood before me was like biting into a fresh juicy strawberry. I let it fill me to the brim as I took as many pictures as I could. When I turned back to where God was standing I saw that He had gone.
But no fear raked my body and mind. No I stood there with a goofy grin on my face, remembering the words that were spoken to me.
That was when He showed Himself to me.
-GAM
Wishes, Dreams, and the all around Disney Lifestyle
Originally Posted June 23, 2007
Lately I have been making many many wishes. Most for the summer to be a really really big blast, to find things and have a great adventure. God finally sat me down looked me in the eye and said "The only thing you need to wish for is to draw Closer to Me"
That was when I no longer thought that all that mattered would be a Disney lifestyle as I call it. One of those dreamy, adventure filled life, with romance and an always fuzzy feeling.
God supplies all that for me. I am more then happy with that. Of course I struggle grasping the reality of it. The fact that I need to trust in God that He will supply all my wishes and dreams with even better ones.
Don't get me wrong, its fine for a person to have their dreams and fancies. But don't let it disappoint you when God intervenes and plans are changed (much for the better) I'm just saying that you need Him to drive you home because as Relient K says "I was drunk at the wheel"
This is one of my shorter blogs... one because I just felt I needed to share that and I didn't feel like making it a big deal.
So just take this message to heart and enjoy what God has planned for you.
-GAM
Lately I have been making many many wishes. Most for the summer to be a really really big blast, to find things and have a great adventure. God finally sat me down looked me in the eye and said "The only thing you need to wish for is to draw Closer to Me"
That was when I no longer thought that all that mattered would be a Disney lifestyle as I call it. One of those dreamy, adventure filled life, with romance and an always fuzzy feeling.
God supplies all that for me. I am more then happy with that. Of course I struggle grasping the reality of it. The fact that I need to trust in God that He will supply all my wishes and dreams with even better ones.
Don't get me wrong, its fine for a person to have their dreams and fancies. But don't let it disappoint you when God intervenes and plans are changed (much for the better) I'm just saying that you need Him to drive you home because as Relient K says "I was drunk at the wheel"
This is one of my shorter blogs... one because I just felt I needed to share that and I didn't feel like making it a big deal.
So just take this message to heart and enjoy what God has planned for you.
-GAM
Sunset Party's
Originally Posted June 19th, 2007
Do you know that feeling you get before walking into a party? You feel all clammy you start to sweat a little, not knowing what is in store for the evening?
I get that each and every time. Its worse when my mind decides to play games with every person in the room. Ok, that person likes that person, that person has bla, bla bla bla. You know how it goes.
The even worse problem is when I know something is going to happen. Then I freak out. I can hardly walk into the room!
That is when after I get into my comfort zone, start to talk to people. You know open up and start to have some fun. Then its a great party.
Still it can never be as great as a bonfire with Anna at the Ruples. Oh the memory's.
Your brother tugs your arm just as its getting good. You have to leave. Its almost ten and your brother needs sleep (grrr!) So you hop into the car hear a song blast and your brothers girlfriend calls out change of mood. As soon as silence is golden in the car the fresh sound of Coldplay rings out. Yep there goes the change of sweet mood.
But you have the window down... the wind blowing your hair askew. The lovely smell of the rain washed outdoors. Then you see the brilliant curls of red, pink, orange and a lovely cloud blue flashing about in the sky of a perfect sunset. That is when you tell yourself that this is going to be a great night.
It didn't turn out to bad. Yes I grabbed my camera and a flashlight in less then three seconds and was running like the wild child I am to the field to get some shots of this memorable event. Sure the crap that when on at the party, the stupid things you said are still there. But they fade slowly away at the awing sight of the Beauty of God.
That was when I fell to my knees and praised Him with my whole heart. I saw that no matter how many pictures I put up on myspace of His beauty you still see it as a simple sunset. Just something beautiful that hangs there.
But when you experience it for your own self. Forever that beauty is with you it never leaves. When I think of that moment when I burst into that field and I saw that brilliant sky. I get a feeling that is indescribable. I will forever link it to the night of this party, to the night when I said "God your all that will ever matter."
-GAM
Do you know that feeling you get before walking into a party? You feel all clammy you start to sweat a little, not knowing what is in store for the evening?
I get that each and every time. Its worse when my mind decides to play games with every person in the room. Ok, that person likes that person, that person has bla, bla bla bla. You know how it goes.
The even worse problem is when I know something is going to happen. Then I freak out. I can hardly walk into the room!
That is when after I get into my comfort zone, start to talk to people. You know open up and start to have some fun. Then its a great party.
Still it can never be as great as a bonfire with Anna at the Ruples. Oh the memory's.
Your brother tugs your arm just as its getting good. You have to leave. Its almost ten and your brother needs sleep (grrr!) So you hop into the car hear a song blast and your brothers girlfriend calls out change of mood. As soon as silence is golden in the car the fresh sound of Coldplay rings out. Yep there goes the change of sweet mood.
But you have the window down... the wind blowing your hair askew. The lovely smell of the rain washed outdoors. Then you see the brilliant curls of red, pink, orange and a lovely cloud blue flashing about in the sky of a perfect sunset. That is when you tell yourself that this is going to be a great night.
It didn't turn out to bad. Yes I grabbed my camera and a flashlight in less then three seconds and was running like the wild child I am to the field to get some shots of this memorable event. Sure the crap that when on at the party, the stupid things you said are still there. But they fade slowly away at the awing sight of the Beauty of God.
That was when I fell to my knees and praised Him with my whole heart. I saw that no matter how many pictures I put up on myspace of His beauty you still see it as a simple sunset. Just something beautiful that hangs there.
But when you experience it for your own self. Forever that beauty is with you it never leaves. When I think of that moment when I burst into that field and I saw that brilliant sky. I get a feeling that is indescribable. I will forever link it to the night of this party, to the night when I said "God your all that will ever matter."
-GAM
Down an Old Dirt Road
Originally Posted June 16th, 2007
The windows a rolled down, the shadows crawl neatly across you cushioned seat. You let the light wind lick your hair until all the curls are flying gently at you face. The music blares and you bob your head to the beat of the old tunes of 'Vintage Clothes'
The sun is red, your favorite color. The lovers in the front hold hands and tenderly gaze at one another. The car rumbles on down the rough dirt roads of a country side.
You break from the woods, your eyes are caught by a magnificent beauty that hangs in the sky of shimmering color. The car slows, the field is gold, you feel the world begin to stop. The music fades, all is swept away. Until time begins again.
Then the song changes, just like the mood. It no longer swings in a fast beat. You tap your foot instead, letting the slowness ease your mind. You let it take over. Lean your head against the door. Close your eyes as the sunset disappears over the edge. And you finish your drive down the country road.
You step out of that now dirt covered car. You look at your surroundings, feeling changed in a small way. You seem to notice more, take life less for granite. You casually walk up your steps to the front door. Letting everything sink in.
Sunsets, lovers, party's, feelings, vintage clothes.
Take a deep breathe. Let life take its tole. Follow the flow.
Then take another drive.
-GAM
The windows a rolled down, the shadows crawl neatly across you cushioned seat. You let the light wind lick your hair until all the curls are flying gently at you face. The music blares and you bob your head to the beat of the old tunes of 'Vintage Clothes'
The sun is red, your favorite color. The lovers in the front hold hands and tenderly gaze at one another. The car rumbles on down the rough dirt roads of a country side.
You break from the woods, your eyes are caught by a magnificent beauty that hangs in the sky of shimmering color. The car slows, the field is gold, you feel the world begin to stop. The music fades, all is swept away. Until time begins again.
Then the song changes, just like the mood. It no longer swings in a fast beat. You tap your foot instead, letting the slowness ease your mind. You let it take over. Lean your head against the door. Close your eyes as the sunset disappears over the edge. And you finish your drive down the country road.
You step out of that now dirt covered car. You look at your surroundings, feeling changed in a small way. You seem to notice more, take life less for granite. You casually walk up your steps to the front door. Letting everything sink in.
Sunsets, lovers, party's, feelings, vintage clothes.
Take a deep breathe. Let life take its tole. Follow the flow.
Then take another drive.
-GAM
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