A New Kind of Joy

Originally Posted September 18th, 2007

I walked down the driveway, pushing back the stinging pain that kept trying to force a few tears out of my eyes.

I didn't want to cry. I knew I would never stop if I started. So breathe easy, I told myself now is not the time At the bottom of the drive I found no Sunday newspaper, and all I could do was wrap my blanket tighter and trudge back up the drive.

Back inside the comforts of my home, the urge to cry came again as I put water on to boil for tea. Even the warm, coziness of my own home couldn't drive out the loneliness and despair. I sighed and sat down at my computer to amuse myself until the rest of the family woke up.

By the time my father had through the Sunday newspaper on the table saying "You lookin for this?" I was feeling better.

But his next comment made me finish my breakfast in a rush and make my way upstairs to my bedroom.

"So you didn't get up and say good bye this morning?" he hummed.

At that you would have found me in my room.

There I sat picking through mounds of clothes trying to decide if I really wanted to go to church or did I just want to stay home and mope around because I had finally gotten the "dump"

Yes.

My sister was married, and so was my other one. My brother and his girl friend were gone off to Texas and my little brother was quite attached to his downstairs bedroom.

I had cracked, the full weight of my loneliness had left me joyless and depressed.

So after leaving my room the wreck it never is. With clothes strewn across my bed, and the drawers left open. Both beds unmade and my books across the floor and desk.

I was downstairs and ready to leave.

Once at church I fought off the urge to hide in the bathroom and cry myself away. But something stopped that before it could happen.

Here I was depressed, lonely, hurt, mad, upset, basically a basket case. Trying to fight my way through an emotional battle that I couldn't win.

So was worship faded, and I saw that my attempts at praising the Lord was futile. A man took a microphone and told me something from God.

It was about Joy.

That was when I found it.

I saw that I had ignored God's help to win my battles and all I needed was a little joy. A new kind of joy.

One that fills you up and never lets you get empty. I asked for that joy and I received it. Though it took a while longer for my hardened heart to catch up with my overly joyful mind.

But it was a start. I was filled with God's joy and it felt like heaven (pardon that... heehee, it all this joy ;-)

Its the new pill to take. The joy pill.

So ask and you shall receive as Daniel quotes from the bible every four seconds.

I got joy.

Its not happy smiles all the time. No its a willingness to be joyful and trust in God even when times are ridiculously low.

So I might not be smiling or laughing right now, but I do have the joy of the Lord.

Find it for yourself ;-)

-GAM

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Chase The Clouds

Originally Posted September 11th, 2007

I just spent the evening with my friend Bethany. We roamed the country side in her blue "pimp" truck chasing clouds and chasing feelings. For months now we had fallen away from each other due to unknown reasons. But for some reason this night we grasped each others hands and ran headlong down a long strip of grass to get one picture of the sunset that was proving to us God was magnificent.

We had chased that sunset for and hour, down back roads and through a town. Till we stumbled upon a factory with a long strip of grass and an open view of the sunset. There we took the pictures we could and happily set off to get some dinner.
There in Panera Bread we sat across from each other digging into our meal with vigor. But when the plates had passed onto the hands of the worker we were stalling for time. I knew that the time was coming as I saw Bethany slowly open her mouth to speak.
But I just sat there and took it, answering the questions and afterwards I felt so wonderful all I could do was joke and laugh. I had known from the moment the day started that this was a "happy day" and I would enjoy it to its fullest. Right down to that last embarrassment.
So I did. I trusted that God would let me have a wonderful day just like I had asked. He was so true to His word all I can do is smile the biggest smile I can and praise His holy name.
This is what chasing clouds is.
We chase after so many things in life and all of them are blocked by the trees. Not until we find the open space, not until we allow God to open out blocked vision can we see the beauty that is splayed before us.
This was what happen tonight, my eyes were open and I saw a beautiful young woman named Bethany before me and the best part was that we were friends.
All I can say to finish this is.
God is a Wonderful God.

-GAM

And I Looked At The Night Sky

Originally Posted September 3th, 2007

The night sky is the most beautiful to look at and the most impossible to photograph. I have tried over the endless time to capture the full moon with out it turning into a bright yellow blob. But it always fails.

The night sky has always been there, it never goes extinct and its always new and changing even when you get to know it.
Funny how when I look at the night sky I see God. I see something that changes only because we don't know it.
The night sky is always the same. It never changes, we just need to get to know it. Just like we need to get to know God.
Getting to know God, not just in the pray-lets-go-to-church-sing-praises-make-me-feel-better way. No. In every way we need to get to know God.
If you are only know the night sky as little white dots and one really big one. Then you don't know it. If you only know that Christ died on a cross then you don't know Him.
So I urge you brothers and sisters to go out there and get to know God. Be like the Astronomers and Wise men. You get to know Gods creation and you see how that creation imitates God.
So as Gods creation we should imitate Him in all His ways. Even the ways we don't even begin to understand...
But as man, we have the ability to have a relationship with the Creator, the one we imitate. We are there to love God and He is there to love us.
The best part of all is God wants you to know Him personally.
So look at the night sky, and see how we need to get to know Him.
Get to know Him and draw closer to Him then anything else.
Leave the world behind and begin the journey you were created to walk.
Get to know Him.
To know Him like the Night Sky.

-GAM

Things That Go Bump In The Night

Originally Posted August 15th, 2007

I leaned back and shifted to a more comfortable position on my old camping chair. The poor fire was dying out to little more then ashes and coals. Still I was hoping as I always hope, that I could pull a little more out of this day.

But it had already emptied itself fully to me. I had a wonderful time enjoying it. Now I shiver slightly and try to push my half asleep body towards the front door and my nice warm bed. Something still tells myself to wait. Wait for an answer, a person, a voice?
Dark is closing in faster now, the noises are louder and stronger. Closer since the light it fading. No! I will not let those things get me, they will not pull me down tonight. I can with hold it all.
The voice that I waited for, the hand that reached down. It smoothed the hair from my face, the lips kissed my forehead gently. Calmness was all that I felt now, just a peace with the world, pain and fear had subsided. I was free.
The voice said to me "You can not with hold it, you need me, do you see that?"
The voice was calm as the waters on the sea. The voice reverberated about the chambers of my mind. "Lord" I whispered, "Thank you." He only nodded and pointed toward the door of the house.
"Go to sleep my little one, so that you may be refreshed, for in the morning you start my work."
So I did.
And sleep I will, until day dawns at my door and no more can I lie about in bed pondering the things of the deep.

-GAM

Show Me What It Is

Originally Posted August 7th, 2007

Its a passion.

Its a love.
Its a call.
Could you find light in the dark, could you see how lost you really are?
Could you ever tell the difference from the right and wrong direction?
Not with out help.
God leans down with His hand grasping mine and point to the right road. He fills me with the love I need, the passion I need, the calling I need.
When I listen to them, I see that I am lost, I see that there is hope.
I see what the world is. I see what I could be. I see that love is the greatest of these things.
Love could never leave, never exit, never stop.
This love at least.
So take my hand again.
Show me the right direction.
Lead me to the path I will take.
Tell me that hope is near at hand.
Love me with the passion you feel inside.

-GAM

Like A Lover

Originally Posted July 26th, 2007

The Song of Songs goes on and on about the Beloved and the Lover. They talk of their love for each other and how beautiful it sounds. There was a very good reason it was put in the bible.

It shows the relationship we should have with God.
He is our lover.
He wants to make everything good for us.
He wants to see us happy and with Him.
All I had to do was read Gone with the Wind to understand a little bit more how deep Gods love goes. I cried because I didn't realise it before. The beauty it holds.
Gods love is huge. Gods love is GREAT. No one can understand until they experience it themselves.
I was running lost in the fog, I was searching for the one thing I needed. I always new some how that it was Him. But not until I saw that I was His beloved I will run into His arms like a lover. Because I love Him.
But unlike Gone with the Wind. Gods love endures forever.
I can run into His arms like a helpless child and release my burdens on Him. Because He loves me!
Because He loves me!
and the best of it all is I love Him right back. I love Him as a lover. I could not explain the feelings that run from me now. I cry, I laugh, I want to dance, I want to sing! I really want to sleep...
All because I am experiencing REAL love for the first time. What it feels to be loved so greatly by God. Its overwhelming. You are open to His mind. You see His thoughts more clearly.
I have a better picture of what I am to do then I have ever had.
I am to receive the Holy Spirit. Then I am to become a worker to bring in the harvest. To do the work God has laid before me. Because He loves me!
This is a love that cannot be broken. It is between God and I. Between us. Because we love each other as crazy and whacked out it sounds. But forget for a moment what the world says about cooks like me. Forget all that you see about love in the world today.
Forget it all.
And immerse yourself with the only TRUE love you can find out there today.
That is Gods.
Because He loves you.
Because He loves you!
and all you have to do...
is run into His arms like a lover.
Because you can never be truly humble until you have a deep sense of being
LOVED!!!!!!!!

-GAM

A Hole In The Wall

Originally Posted July 23, 2007

The pacelli crunched in my mouth echoing through the stair well. I hoped the noise that sounded louder then it was kept my sister and brother sleeping. I stoped to lean against the banister and looked at the lined up pine trees of the wallpaper.

Only one thing stood out blandish. The little pin sized hole.
The little hole that let things in...
I stared harder at it. I opened up my mind a little more and heard a still voice creeping in. God was talking, it was my turn to listen.
"You see that hole?" He asked, I nodded. "You have one yourself, its a little hole in your life, in the way you think about me and the world. Its a little hole that lets in evil and doesn't let it back out."
Stunned I just stared even harder at the little hole. Slowly that hole grew bigger in my mind. I saw the many things that crawl in, all covered with nasty things, but looking so harmless at first.
"Let those things out the front door and patch that hole." God said. I looked harder inside myself, allowing my eyes to see the real face of the things I let in. I was frightened now. I had been listening to these voices all along, these things in such a disguise. God's voice had been covered with their own little dripping voices.
I cried out for help, I noticed my problem. God gave me the key and I let them out. I tried to patch the hole, but the things just broke my seal and hopped back inside. I sat on the floor. "Jesus, why cant I patch it up?" I cried out to Him. He gave a sweet chuckle and bent down to face me.
"Oh my child, the things you must be told over and over again" He smiled at me and took my hand. "I will help you patch this hole, because I have the strongest seal. My blood"
Now that my hole is gone. Now that the things no longer crawl back in and distort my thinking. I see that God is still there. God never left, but I was wrongly distracted from Him.
Now I keep a wary eye out for the next hole that might pop in. I don't fear not being able to fix it. I know that God will patch it for me. When I ask for His help.
Because...
He sealed it before.

-GAM